“What’s your name again?”
“Jaxon”
“J-A-C-K-S-O-N?”
“No, J-A-X-O-N”
“Cool name dude, never met a Jaxon that spells his name like that”
I’m not sure what to say to that, so I smile and look at the fire, the only thing keeping me warm beside a cigarette burned blanket and a musty letterman jacket. I don't mind my unusual apparel because it was given to me by Cade, tonight's host, who is deep in conversation with his choice girlfriend of the month, Devin. She's gorgeous, almost too much so, with shining chestnut hair that falls just below the nape of her neck. Maybe after he dumps her, he’ll realize that his true life long love is me, and the reason he never keeps his girlfriends is because he just hasn't realized that.. he’s... into… guys? I laugh to myself, yeah right Cade, gay. Those two words can't even be in the same sentence. Just because he invited me over, doesn't mean he wants to confess his feelings or anything. I think, God, get yourself together Jax.
Next to me is the girl who just asked about my name, Rylee, she’s talking to Levi across the fire, but it looks like the conversation is mostly one-sided. She’s more talking at Levi. On my other side, Cade’s loud and animated conversation with the Laguna girl, Devin, interrupts my thoughts.
“Cade you’re being obnoxious, I know you didn't invite me here for the sunset,” she punches him playfully.
“I swear baby!” He throws his hands up in surrender.
She brushes her long hair out from in front of her eyes, leaning her head onto her hand, which rests on the arm of his chair. “God you can be such an ass. Just tell me!”
Cade crosses his arms, slumping in his seat, his gorgeous face forming a fake frown, which unbelievably makes him even cuter. “What!? I can’t just invite my favorite girlfriend over to see the suns-”
“Jesus, just forget it. It’s always games with you.”
“Ok, fine I’ll tell you, but I must be honest, my intentions are in no way gentleman like.” He motions for her to lean in closer, which she does. He whispers something in her ear with a grin, but instead of giggling, per usual, her face falls. She looks at me with her formerly bright green eyes that stop my breath for a moment. Cade grabs her petite chin with his muscular hands and turns her head toward his face.
“Now hush up,” he says, “no need to spoil the surprise.”
His eyes catch mine, so I instinctively turn away, a move I have practiced my whole life with him. I wonder what he said to her. She looked scared. I turn my attention to Rylee and Levi’s conversation. Rylee’s short rough black hair blocks her whole face, I can barely make out the ring on the tip of her nose. She gestures to the ocean with a rare smile, she seems happy.
“Levi, can you stop being depressed for a second? It’s finally summer and look at the sea, it’s like, orange.”
“I’ve seen the ocean before,” he says, his eyes still focused on the sand underneath his socked feet.
“But it's the sunset,” Her rough hand falls on his shoulder. He flinches. Weird.
“I've seen the sunset too.”
“Just look Levi, maybe you’ll feel better.”
“How the fuck do you expect a sunset to make me happy?”
“Levi, chill.”
“Just stop Ry, I don’t want to look at the fucking sun.”
“Fine, go ahead and stare silently at the ground some more, I don’t give a shit.” Her happy demeanor quickly fades into one more like Levi’s.
That was the first time I’ve heard Levi talk. He looks tired, his dark circles illuminated by the fire. The dark, baggy clothes that cover his thin bony body look old, as though someone wore them before him. He just gives off this hopeless vibe. I think he’s depressed, he kinda just sits in his chair staring blankly at shit. I’ve felt like that at points in my life. I wish I could tell him that I get it, but that’s weird and cliche and they tell you that crap in therapy anyway. Levi suddenly turns away from Rylee, looking right at me. His cold blue eyes run from my worn old Vans to the bleached tips of my dirty blonde hair, leaving a trail of goosebumps up my body. The stare is icy, yet passive and annoyed. As quickly as he looked, he returns his stare to the fire. I exhale. Rylee gives up on her conversation with Levi and looks to me again with a broad smile plastered to her pale face, her purple lip color smudged in the corner of her mouth.
“So tell us about you, mystery dude.” Cade and Devin look over at me giving me no chance to shift so my jawline is accentuated and my stomach is sucked in.
“Uh… well, I grew up here but I moved last year to Laguna and uh, I don't know, I like long walks on the beach?” The group laughed, except for Levi, who sat with his head rested on his hand, staring at the fire.
“Aw, you're so funny!” Devin turns to Cade. “He’s so funny where'd you find him Cade?” She nestles herself against him protectively.
“We go way back don’t we, Jax?” My face flushes. I make eye contact and forget what I was about to say.
“Yeah, we take long walks on the beach sometimes.” The group laughs again, this time only half-heartedly. “So is this like, your house Cade?” I know it’s his house, I walk by it every day on the way to school hoping he’ll offer me a ride, but this year he’s missed so much school and the days that he does decide to go, I hear he’s late. I guess it doesn’t really matter because we’re seniors.
“I guess it is, why? Do you like?” He winks at me. I stay calm, he’s winked at me before and by now I know that it's casual, not an advance or anything.
“I do. Your old house was a lot cooler though.” My breath quickened halfway through my response because I forgot to plan what I was going to say before it left my mouth. I shift in my plastic beach chair. Why did I even say that? His old house was cool but now I’ve made it awkward, but of course, he knows exactly what to say.
“I guess upsizing is more important to my parents than the sick halfpipe in the driveway that you and me spent all of Middle School on.”
I miss that halfpipe. Skateboarding was the excuse I used to chill with Cade. My parents bought me my first board that I started riding in 6th grade, right when we moved to Malibu. I covered that thing in stickers and spent all day riding it. It was my way of exploring. One time I rode past Cade’s house, which used to be right down the street. Once he saw me skating so he went inside briefly to grab his beaten board. I thought it was weird because he barely knew me and he didn't ask to join, he just did. I didn’t mind though. Once he saw how bad I was, he decided to teach me how to skate properly. To this day I can still do a perfect kickflip. For Christmas, in 7th grade, he bought me my second board, a limited edition red P. Rod. I still use it, there's not a scratch on the underside.
When Cade’s parents bought him a car in junior year, I knew our boarding days were done. I barely saw him after that, he changed to a different private school across town after getting expelled from the one we went to at the beginning of this year. I’m not sure what he did, I never asked. Anyway, that was why I was so surprised when he knocked on my door today and asked me to come to watch the sunset and chill with his friends. We haven't talked in forever.
“Yeah,” I replied quietly, stuck in my thoughts. “Well, uh, anyway your house is amazing.”
It is amazing, almost every house in Malibu is huge but his is something else. His house resembles a small museum. The driveway is one of those small, private roads which leads to the front of the house. Six large white marble pillars stand tall, framing the extravagant doorway. Its beautiful inside too: statues line the hallways that are carpeted with purple and gold tapestries. Cade’s room is the entire third floor, I can see it from here because he left his light on.
To get to the pit, we walked from the back of his house down toward the shore. The walk was hard because of how light and fluffy the sand was, it took awhile to get here. Cade’s family owns a half mile of the coast so there are no homes even remotely visible, even when the sun is out. Besides the lit window, all that is visible is the ocean.
For some reason, the ocean looks more magnificent here than at any other house. Maybe it’s just the sunset which has made the sky a blood-like color that bleeds into the water, turning it a deep amber. The fire begins to get brighter as the sun sinks deeper into the waves. The colors reflect in the eyes of everyone sitting around it, illuminating even Levi’s dark coffee ones.
After awhile, the sun is fully concealed underneath the water and the stars are visible in the charcoal sky. The moon is full, leaking it’s shine onto the black water. God, it’s gorgeous here.
“Levi, dude say something.” Levi looks up from the fire and glances around, bored and unamused.
“Cade, dude you're a douche,” Levi copies Cade’s jock-like manner of talking. He’s not nearly as good at it. Cade grins widely, teasing him with kissing sounds. Levi rolls his eyes and puts his head back down.
“C’mon Levi talk with us, don't be antisocial, meet our guest,” Cade grins with antagonistically. Levi doesn’t respond. “Levi. Seriously dude. Say something.” He pauses. “He’s our guest man.”
“Well, he’s your guest, not mine, so I guess that means I couldn’t care less.” He turns to me when he says that and my chest falls. He almost looks sorry for saying that as he turns away and looks at Devin. “Sorry to break it to you Deirdre, bu-”
She interjects “Devin.”
“Excuse me for not taking the time to remember your name, but it’s only because you're only going to be around for another week or two give or take, when out of nowhere Cade will break up with you over text, making up some bullshit excuse, unless you've already said ‘I love you’ and in that case you’ll be gone in a couple of days.”
Devin stares at him. She regains composure and looks at him full of rage, “Who the fuck are you to call me a bimbo?” She stares down at Levi, which is impressive because our chairs are all the same height.
Levi doesn’t care, he laughs at her, “That's what you took away from all of that.” He looks up at the sky aghast. “Picked a smart one didn’t we Cade?” Devin starts to get up but Cade grabs her arm and pulls her into a tight hug, glowering at Levi.
“Say something babe, he just, like, attacked me!”
She wants him to protect her. For some reason, she seems unnatural, insincere. It’s like bad acting in a rom-com. Maybe she just wants attention from Cade who is locked in an intense glare with Levi, returning the action with an equally fierce scowl. That’s when Cade starts to laugh. His head flies back and he howls with laughter. Tears are coming from his eyes. Devin looks at him with disgust. I notice that Devin’s eyes wander toward Rylee, resting on her until Rylee looks up at her, making contact. Almost immediately after she catches Devin’s eye, Rylee twitches her head toward the house. Devin gets up out of her chair nodding to Rylee and she runs up the beach. Rylee must have realized that no one was going to help her out or anything.
“No babe!” He says trying to catch his breath, still laughing hard. He doesn't get up or anything, it’s like he wants her to go. I’m not complaining. “Aw, babe come back!” She flips him off. He clutches his stomach roaring with laughter. Levi returns to looking hard into the fire, not caring about what is going on. Rylee seems unamused, she's fiddling with some washed up sticks.
Rylee looks up, “So are you gonna follow her or something?”
Cade looks at her passively. “She was annoying anyway, super clingy.”
I wonder if her leaving means that they broke up. I kind of feel bad for Devin, that was a lot of cruel shit that Levi said. It’s quiet for a while after that. Rylee and Cade are whispering to each other, it almost looks like Rylee is flirting with him. She’s not his type though, he likes brunettes, not emo pale-faced girls who wear a lot of makeup to hide their faces. No one is talking for a while, we are all silently watching the fire grow as Cade tosses the occasional sticks in. It’s warm under my extra layers and I can feel my eyelids drooping, the sound of the waves is hypnotizing me, forcing me to fall asleep. I wonder what time it is. Just when I can feel my drowsiness overtaking me, Cade demands my attention.
“Looks like you’re falling asleep dude.” He looks at me. The fire makes his eyes sparkle.
“Yeah, it’s just so peaceful here, I started dozing.”
“Well, you can’t fall asleep dude, the night’s not over yet”
“What time is it anyway?” I left my phone in his house.
“Not sure, my phone’s up at the house,” Rylee responds.
Levi croaks, “Mine too.”
Cade laughs, “I think I threw mine in the ocean yesterday.” Puzzled looks entice him to explain. He justifies with, “I was hammered.”
He is adorable.
“So you threw your phone in the ocean,” Levi says passively.
“Whatever dude, it was fun as shit” He sits back thinking. “I have an idea, scary stories, just like when we were kids.”
Levi looks up at him shaking his head “No Cade don’t, seriously.”
“Levi, dude, you gotta chill it's just a story,” Rylee interjects
Levi looks at her disgusted. “It’s never just a story and you know that, Rylee.”
I decide to cut in, “I’d be down for a story.” Cade winks at me. Why does he tease me like this? He sits down and reclines in his chair looking at the starless sky. He suddenly sits up and looks at Levi grinning. “I’ll just make one up as I go.”
“Don’t fucking do it dude, not tonight.” Levi glares hard as Cade.
“You’re no fun, and besides my special guest wants to hear the story.” Cade bites his lip and immediately I’m completely focused on him.
He starts, “It was junior spring last year, right around this time, and I was having a party in the fam’s log cabin up in Sugarloaf. It was going to be so lit, as usual, because when have I ever had a party that wasn’t sick? Rylee and Levi came over to set up. It was before Levi was depressed, so he actually did stuff.”
“Oh, nice, we’re in the story. Can we add to it too?” Rylee leans forward in her seat.
I’m not in the story. Yet. Maybe I come in later.
“Go ahead,” Cade says.
“So they were setting up the party and shit but nobody came-”
“Sad party,” I chuckle. No one laughs.
Levi spoke up “Turns out someone forgot to send out invites.”
“Wait what? They didn't send them out on purpose,” says Rylee.
Cade interrupts, staring at Levi with a scowl, “Short term memory is a bitch isn't she Levi?” Levi looks furious. He forms a fist, his knuckles whiten. “Anyway, only one girl came, my girlfriend of like, I don’t even know, maybe 8 months? We all hung out in the basement, watching scary movies and getting hi-”
Rylee interrupts, “No one cares about the details, get to the good part… if there is one.” She mumbles that last part. Cade’s face falls and he runs his tongue across his teeth pushing back a strand of hair that fell on his forehead.
“Fine,” he looks at me quickly, his eyes flicker over me for less than a second, I would have missed it if I wasn’t watching him so intensely. “They decided to play a game.” He pauses. It’s silent. “They were all high and whatever so their minds were like, twisted I guess.”
Rylee huffed demanding attention from the group. “You weren’t high Cade, you knew what you were doing.”
Cade snaps back, “Fine. I wasn’t high.”
“Great. Continue.” Rylee almost demands him to keep going. Wow, they must have really rehearsed this, they’re good. Levi looks more attentive than he has this whole night, he's sitting straight up. His fingers are balled in tight fists barely concealed by his long shirt, he must still be mad. Or cold.
Cade continues, “They went looking around for something to do when the girl, let's call her Allison, found a safe. She dared me to open it, so I took a rock and hit it over and over until it broke open. There was a ton of cash inside and on the second shelf, a gun.” He stops abruptly.
Rylee keeps the story going, “Alison saw the money and freaked. She started planning all this shit we could do but no one was into it. Instead of being normal or whatever Levi went for the gun.” I instinctively look at Levi who is sweating but also seems to be convulsing with shivers. The fire is dying, I didn’t even notice. “He picked it up and checked the chamber for bullets, there were none. Cade grabbed it from him and proposed a gam-”
Levi jumps, “We were all hammered and we didn't think, it was dumb, it was so dumb.” He looks down.
Cade regains his composure and starts up again, “I picked up the gun and put a bullet in. Only I put it in the fourth chamber.” Everyone stopped breathing when he said that.
Rylee looked at Cade with terror written on her face. “You… you rigged the game?”
Cade looked at her, puzzled, “Ry, I thought you knew, it was just a joke.” They’re acting like this actually happened. I try to smile, to show them I’m enjoying their little game. Maybe if I smile enough, they’ll stop trying to freak me out.
Levi mutters to himself, “I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. No one listened to me.”
Cade looks around, “Guys it’s not that deep.”
I don’t know why but I laugh. “You all are acting like this is a real story.” I smiled again, a little too big which revealed my fear to the group.
“Shut up Jax. Let us finish the story,” snapped Cade. He has never talked like that to me. “I started with the gun, put it against my head and pulled the trigger. It clicked, and I passed it on,”
Rylee spoke up, “Then it was my turn I squeezed and it clicked.”
Levi says from under his hood, now covering his face. “She passed to me and I pulled, no bullet. Obviously.” Obviously? I need to go. I need to make up an excuse. Wait, no this is what they want. I can’t look like a wimp, I can’t leave. It’s just a fucking story.
Cade speaks, breaking my thought “There was one last bullet. Alison was the last person left. She decided she didn’t want to play anymore, but rules are rules. We said she had to play. She got scared and went crazy. She tried to break the fucking gun with a rock. But she hit- She hit the trigger. It went off.”
Levi suddenly interrupts, “She- she was bleeding and- she was bleeding. We couldn’t tell or we’d go to jail or worse. We couldn't tell.”
I can feel chills running up and down my back. I don’t want them to keep going.
Rylee reaches over and touches Cade’s shoulder and that’s when I notice that he’s crying. “So she died. I didn’t actually want her to shoot herself, I was going to tell her we were kidding, it was just a game, I promise.”
Cade would never cry, never. When he tore his ACL last year playing basketball, he was well known for swearing up a storm, even at the teachers, but not shedding a single tear. I reach down to the pocket of my jacke- not my jacket. Cade’s. So my phone’s not here. Rylee keeps talking. It’s pitch black, the fire is dying. Cade hasn’t thrown anything in since the start of the story. Levi is looking at me, his eyes black as coal. Cade is fidgeting with his hands, pinching the tips of his fingers.
“Every year we’ve made it a- uh- tradition I guess, we take a life to honor Allison, she shouldn't have died.”
It's about three hundred yards to the house. I could run. I’m breathing hard now, I can feel it, and I know that the group notices.
Levi sits up. He’s stopped shaking. “We pardon a girlfriend every year, trading their life with someone else’s. This year Devin got to leave. But not you.” A glint catches my attention. I follow it with my eyes, stopping when I reached Cade’s hand. Everything in my face falls. It's a gun. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I take a deep breath, trying again. I need to stay calm in case this is a prank.
“Guys this isn’t funny, for real. Put that shit away.”
They all solemnly look at each other. Cade replies.
“I’m sorry. I really am. It’s for Allison. She didn't deserve to die man.”
He puts a single bullet in the gun. I freeze as he brings the gun up to his head and pulls the trigger. A single click is heard. I get up and almost immediately Rylee grabs my shoulders and pushes me down. Levi jumps from his seat and holds my legs, tying them to my chair while Rylee does my arms. They finish and step back, letting the horror of the situation finally sink in. I look around dumbfounded. I start to get up, but I can’t. My eyes fill, blurring my vision. I blink hard and the tears run down my cheeks.
“Guys. Stop. Let me go. It’s not funny.” I can barely get my words out, my breath interrupts each syllable. No one says anything. “LET ME GO”
Cade passes the gun to Rylee. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, pulling the trigger. A click. She looks up at the sky in relief. My breath is ragged and I start to struggle. I can feel a rush of adrenaline flood through my body. I rock back and forth slowly, and then I start to convulse, wildly flailing. For the first time, I scream. I scream louder and louder as Levi places the gun right under his chin and bites his lip as he squeezes the trigger. The last click. I go silent. Everything is quiet without my screams hacking away at the silence. Cade picks up the gun from the ground where Levi dropped it. Levi’s head is in his hands. My heartbeat punches it’s rhythm into my chest and right behind my eyes. I feel the pump on my fingertips and toes. I cry out when I realize that my nails are cutting into the palms of my hands. I look up revealing the fear that twists my face to Cade who points the gun at my head. The single black eye on the tip of the revolver stares me in the face.
“NO. STOP IT PUT IT DOWN STOP”
I can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He keeps repeating it.
His finger tenses, and with a crack, I feel a fist hit my chest, but no pain. I hear ringing in my ears. Almost immediately after, a searing heat encases my entire body.
Everything goes black.
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