I’m scared. - Tope Adetunji

I fear for the future of my children. As my friends talk gleefully about how many kids they want, and what gender they want first, I can’t help but worry. You see, when these discussions come up, As they do from time to time, My mind tends to stray. It’s like I’m in a haze, a million thoughts running through me at once. Do I want my kids to grow up in a society like this? Do I take my family and go as far as possible from here? Would it be selfish of me to deny them of opportunities I know they could have? The urge to run and never look back is tempting, teasing my thoughts and conscience. I fear for my son. That his life would be like a tight line attached to the barrel of a gun, As he teeters across it, careful of his every move, but walking towards imminent death. That a day will come where I have to explain to him step by step, what to do when pulled over. And that I won’t be able to protect him As he runs through a graveyard Slowly his heart becomes a coffin and his legs tombstones. His last words of a tongue forced upon us, being “Don’t sh…” “Shhhh” I imagine myself cooing my daughter, As an overwhelming urge to protect her at all costs consumes me, swallowing me whole. “This is motherhood”, I’d say smiling down at her. I’d tell her every day she’s beautiful, in a world where her features are considered the opposite. Tell her, in the words of Beyonce, “Your skin’s just like pearls, the best thing in the world, and I’d never trade you for anybody else!” Remind her that her hair grows towards the ceiling because UP is the only way she can go. But I fear they will get to her before these affirmations sink in, Crippling her with their harmful words until she withers away to nothingness. But a voice inside my head reminds me to have hope. That my children will have the strength of an army, Conquering the world and all everything that may come their way. I must remember that there is good in the world, More of it than there is bad and evil. And that, that is what will keep me going.